Dat sockpoppet relligion

My grate-anti Moly says dat sockpoppetry is a Cathlic fing, and so Bosco sent me to a Cathlic mass to see if dat was reely the case.

So I went incoggnito to de church of de Sacrred Socks of St Micheal. I was met by a saintly pollite courtoeus man who gave me a hynm book, and said he was a laywer who worked for de internattional firm of Cutley, Butley and Mutley. He asked me a strange quetsion, viz, "How manny poeple is you gonna be todday?" Dat's odd. Usaully when we goes into de Calumny Chappel dey asks a much simpler quetsion, viz, "Is you saved, bruvver?"

I went into de churhc, and de service was given by a costume holly man who said he was de Bishopp of Bennidrom. He startted de Mass, although he went off to de vesttry after a while, probbably to kiss an iddle. Dis is a pitcher of de Bishopp of Bennidrom.



Later on I remmember a disgustin old lady takin de collecttion, carryin a broom stick wiv which she kept hittin poeple. She was wearin a pointy hat and looked just like my Anti Moly. Anuvver person I spotted in de church was bein a bit of a trubble-maker, frankly. When one of de costume holly men said "Lift up your hearts," he said "No I won't. ROFL." Then when de preist said "The Mass is ended, go in peace," de man said "No it isn't. No I won't. Twist and Shout."

To my astonnishment at the end of de Mass I realissed dat de laywer, de bishopp, de old lady and de trubble-maker was all de same person. In fact, thinkin about it I now realises dat nearly everryone in de churhc had bin goin out and comin in in different disgiuses (dere was annuvver one who dressed up as Stallin, den he came back wavin a cricket batt, dat confussed me, as we doesnt have dem in de Calumny Chappel, if we needs to chasstise kids we uses baseball bats).

Dey explaned it to me dat since God is 3 pussons (de Trinnity), de Cathlics fink dat dey shuold also be 3 pussons as well. My Anti is certianly wanted by de cops in Enggland, Austriala and de USA under de names of Judy, Alfie and Moly, so I asked her if she was plannin to become a Cathlic. Now I got her flase teef embedded in my leg, dat probbably means no.

I luvs my dere Anti so here is a new photto of her.

I gotta job

Well, it is de holliday season, and de Tellegraph has recalled me to duty as a muddlerator, becos so many of dere fine muddleratin team in Sir Lanka is gonna be away. So I aint postin so much over de next few weeks. Who's gonna look after Bosco, I reely dont know, but we gave my dere bruvver a good bath and tiddied up his banddages. He is now peacefully lookin at a website called kill.a.cathlic.and.win.a.cadillac.com, which he says gives a frank and unbbiased analysis of Cathlic docktrine, and perhaps also a free car. So maybe he's OK for now.



De Tellegraph has given me some new giudelines about how to do dis muddleration fing. For example, here are a few sample blog postins, before and after muddleration.

How now, you secret, black, and midnight hags!
What is't you do?

How now, you secret
What is

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears!
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them,
The good is oft interred with their bones;
So let it be with Caesar.

Friends, lend me your ears!
I come to praise him.
men do lives after them
The good is oft
So let it be.

In fact de Tellegraph muddleration team is workin on a muddlerated edittion of Shaksepeare, which is gonna be far more poppular as all de bits where peeple gits cross and calls each other fanattical sockpoppets will be removed.

My Grate-Anti Moly says she aint very keen on muddleration, as she finds dat de best way she can comunnicate wiv de world is to insullt it. "Dem bullyin Cathlic traddies reportted my posts," she sez. Den she goes off to spend time wiv her only love, her cherie botle, dats a French joke, I doesnt reely understand it.

Bosco likewise gits very cross if he spends two hours finking of new ways to say dat Cathlics aint saved, and den de muddlerators removes his beuatiful senttiments. He have also got a new thoery dat cement iddles has got reel peeple inside, we found a photto showing de Cathlics tryin to manufacturre one.



However, de good news is dat Bosco's girlfiend, Camila Van Pyre, is ruound here a lot, she says he looks like a flim star wiv dem banddages. When she was a little girl she used to go and see dem flims wiv her mummy, I fink dat's what she said.

A Cathlic book

Well, my bruvver Bosco esscaped from de hopsital and ran down de street, dat's not bad wiv all his injurries, but when de Lord is wiv you, and Jessus tells you dat you is saved, den you got de strentgh of ten men. Here is anuvver pitcher of Bosco showin a certtain quiet dignitty as he gives de kiss of peace to some passers-by who aint saved.



"Is we bein raptured, Bosco?" I asked when I cuaght him up. "Only I fought it would be more excittin dan dis."
"Shut up, Eccles," replied my bruvver. Dis is how he treats me when he is cross, I fink dat even when we gits to Heaven he's gonna say "Shut up, Eccles."

We got home and knokced on the door, becos dem nuns what beat us up had stollen our house keys. Grate-Anti Moly opened de door.
"You're de rabbit. Go away! Go back to your donnkeys! Sockpoppet!" she screamed.
"Who's de rabbit, Anti?" I asked.
"Both of you. Fannatical, traddie, sad, RC cliqque bigots of the worst sort, don't try to impose your superstitoins on me, you constantly insullt me but seem totally incappable of realizing this..."
"Eccles, go and git a botle of sherry from de shop round de corner," hissed Bosco.
"Is you sure, Bosco?" I whipsered back. "It seems a bit cruel to hit Anti wiv a sherry botle. Maybe we could clibm in thruogh a window instead."
"It's for her to drink, you punchdrunk airhead!" repplied my bruvver, kindly puttin me straihgt.

Two hours later in de house, Anti was snorrin peacefully. But Bosco was readin a big book and gittin more and more angry. "Eccles, look at dis Cathlic book I found!" he shouted. "Dis proved dey aint saved, dem fillthy swine! It says here: 'Jesus was no more than a mortal whom We favored and made an example to the Isrealites.'"

"Bosco, we gottem!" I said. "Dis proves dat de Cathlics is wrong from start to finish and dey can't be saved. Woss this Cathlic book called den?"
"Dey calls it de Korran," said Bosco. "I read on de Internet dat it was written by a Pop called Mohhamed. Dey got a lot about dis Allah chap in it, I fink he's a Cathlic iddle."
Well we is an unassaillable position now, and I spose dem Cathlics aint gonna dare show dere faces round here in futture.

Here's a pitcher of a liddle boy worshippin a golden iddle. It shows dat dem Cathlic leads dere kids into iddletree very young, I finks it's shockin, and so does Bosco.

Weepin stattues

I has always been a bit septical of dese Cathlic claims dat stattues can weep, but Bosco says dat his stattue of St Cristina, which he won in a compettion, is keepin him awake at nihgt, cryin dat it wants to go home. I aint actaully seen it cryin, but Bosco never tells lies, and here is a pitcher of his bedroom flooded wiv tears.



We took advices from Pastor De Mentia of de Calumny Chappel, and he came along to see the stattue. Of course it weren't cryin when he saw it in Bosco's bedroom, and de Pastor said sternly "Bosco, we know you aint tellin lies, as saved people can't ever do dat. But it's still very mysterrious."

Last nihgt I was sleepin sweetly in my bed, and dreemin of de Pop swimmin in de Lake of Fire. He was shoutin "My it's hot in here. I is beginnin to susspect dat I aint saved. I shoulda dressed up as a clown like dat Bosco told me to!" Den I heard a loud screem from Bosco's room, so I went to investtigate.
"Whats bin happenin, Bosco, darlin bruvver?" I asked. "Has Anti Moly bin practisin her Banshee shreiks? She takes her new job very seriously. De feersome cry of 'sockpoppet' freezes poeple to de spot."
"No, Eccles, you blokchead," replied my affecktionate bruvver. "I was tryin to cheer up de weepin stattue by readin it some humerus excertps from my luvvly blog, but it went off into historics."

I is wonderin whether this could all be Bosco's imaggination, cos I aint seen de stattue weepin yet. Anyways, we can forgit dis for de moment, as tomorrow is Sundday and we gonna save lotsa poeple, who aint expectin it.

Bosco, if you gotta minute, I is still worried about dis pitcher of some Cathlics with an iddle. It aint cemment, but seems to be tin. Is it still wrong to kiss it?