Your bishop
My dear brothers and sisters in Christ,
As you know the Pope has asked me to become the Secretary of the Congregation of Divine Worship and Discipline of the Sacraments in Rome (or Vice-Pope for short), and it is with great reluctance that I am leaving the good people of Leeds for pastures new, when my work is still undone.
The Vatican of the North
The Holy Father was concerned that I might find the Vatican a little claustrophobic, after the magnificence of Hinsley Hall, but I told him that we should all be prepared to make sacrifices in order to serve God to the best of our abilities.
My successor as Bishop of Leeds has not yet been appointed, but I shall bequeath to him my collection of padlocks, guaranteed to fit church doors of any size, so that he may continue to close churches in the diocese on a regular basis.
Encouraging local industry in Allerton Bywater
In a spirit of Christian Charity I shall ignore one caustic remark made by Damian Thompson, namely "I hope Gammarelli has stocked up on XXXL archiepiscopal rig..." Although I am no longer the slim and athletic ice-skater that I used to be, my enemies will find that I can still be very slippery on occasion.
A problem in the 2012 CBCEW Ice-Skating Championships
By the way, I still have 5,000 copies of my most recent video nasty, "The Leeds diocese - what can we close next?" in case anyone would like one.
God bless you all.
++ Arthur Roche, Vice-Pope elect.
Saying farewell to the Bishop
Why is he wearing a rainbow halo which has slipped? We should be told.
ReplyDeleteDat's his famuos "beanie" hat, Jesicca. I dunno why he was wearin it.
DeletePerhaps he took 'shine Jesus shine' literally? That or it is his Alice-band - I had ineclikrvthstcwhen I was 5.
DeletePredictive text! Should have read I had one like it when I was 5 - and hated it.
DeleteWell, your spellin is certianly gettin better wiv dat productive text.
DeleteThe Orthodox Churches, both Eastern and Oriental have said that Vassula Ryden's so-called visions should be given no credence - shocked that a Catholic bishop allows this - but perhaps not that this one has.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, Bp Arthur's Christmas parties for the large administrative staff at Hinsley Hall were legendary. http://www.visit4ads.com/advert/Stella-Artois-Ice-Skating-Priests-Stella-Artois/22733
ReplyDeleteAll human life is there. And Fabian Delusions.
ReplyDeleteWe all hope he takes his henchman Mgr McQuieeen with him - preferably in his luggage!
ReplyDeleteVile creatures!
PS Abberton is a well know loony, but he gets left alone because he's not orthodox. In the land of Unkel Arfer heterodoxy rules.