Darkins denies the existence of light

Professor Richard Darkins has launched another scathing attack on those "gullible" folk who believe in the existence of light.

Richard Darkins - refuses to walk in the light.

Darkins is well-known for his books written in Braille, such as The watchmaker with no disability and The Light Delusion. These books insist that light does not exist, because if it did he would be able to see it. Darkins is prepared to remain open-minded on the existence of the sun. "Sometimes it gets quite hot, I can feel that," he said, "but no rational person believes that there is such a thing as 'light.'"

A "vile and bigoted" sun-worshipper.

The good professor set up the Richard Darkins Foundation for Reason and Science, in order to propagate his ideas that light does not exist. One sect that he has particularly attacked is the Lunatics - fanatical believers in the light of the moon, who use the crescent as their symbol. Two days ago, the RDFRS website was hacked by lunatics, and the general view was that it was a great improvement.

Mrs Darkins with Richard's guide-dog, K9.

Darkins's views are not universally accepted, and many people ridicule his aphosist stance. A few years ago he was slightly injured when trying to drive a bus round London, bearing the message "Light probably does not exist": after going strongly for half a mile, he then crashed into a lamp-post.

We spoke to Francisco Bergoglio, a retired chemist who now holds an administrative position in Rome. "Darkins means well," he said, "but he doesn't have a sound academic background in logic and reasoning, and he does tend to get confused. He sends me hate messages, because some of my staff like singing songs such as Newman's 'Lead, kindly, Light.' He tells me that a belief in light is responsible for everything that's wrong in the world."

A totally pointless "light" house.

Dakwins is commin

Our unsaved freind Farver Arfur knocked on de door in a grate panick, and said "Help, hide me! Proffesor Dakwins has discovvered dat I is reely a preist in good stand-in after all, and he is commin to arrest me!"

Our freind is talkin of de famuous Proffesor Richard Dakwins, author of many grate books, such as De Sellfish Watchmaker and De Gene Dellusion. As reggular reeders will know, he once gave my bruvver Bosco a prize for promottin athiesm so well with his luvvly blogg. Dis Dakwins is very unhappy cos he once wanted to arrest de Pop and everryone told him to stop bein a loony.

Pussonally I fink dis Dakwins aint real, I sent him my watch to repare, cos it was broken, and he never repplied.



Still, Farver Arfur is worried, becuase he is now Nubmer One on Dakwins's hit list. "Dakwins aint scared of de Pop now, cos he knows I got more infleunce," explaned our freind. "Sometimes I has to put de Pop straihgt when he shows tradditoinalist tendencies." It is true dat Farver Arfur has memorized all de Catacoms of de Churhc off by heart, so dat he can tell poeple like de Pop whennever dey is breakin dem.

"Ain't de Pop infallible like you?" I asked Farver Arfur. He explaned dat once every so often de Pop wakes up in de mornin and says "Ho hum, I is feelin infallible todday, I finks I will say somefink to wake em up." Of cuorse, he dont dare do dat wivvout askin Farver Arfur's advice first.

Dere is also a grate freind of Dakwins who is a phillosopher wiv funny hair, called Grailing. We fink he may be easy to spot if he turns up. Here is a pitcher of him and Mrs Dakwins talkin to an iddle.



Dat probably aint a dogg, so rellax and stop worryin.

"Has we got a costume holly man preist's hole in de huose, Bosco?" I asked my dere bruvver.

Well, we has got a cellar, but Anti Moly took it over, in case at 4 a.m. she needs a little drink for her poor parched thraot, after screemin at her lapptop all nihgt.



But it turns out dat we has also got a sort of cubpoard, where Farver Arfur may hide if Dakwins ever turns up. Dis is a pitcher of him in good standin outside it.



We was worried dat Anti Moly mihgt bettray Farver Arfur's whereabuots to Dakwins, but she says it is only woeful traddy Cathlics dats she hates, and dat you wuold never geuss dat Farver Arfur was relligiuos at all. So dat's OK.